No matter how amicable our divorces happen to be (and mine was very amicable as it was a mutual decision to separate) the fact is that we find ourselves in a completely different set of circumstances now that the relationship is over! The reality is that everyone’s divorce is different – some very different.
I’ve signed all the relevant papers and the marriage relationship with my ex (and the father of my son) is legally over! The fact is we married far too young and both of us now acknowledge that.
I do feel though that the length of the marriage is not always the main deciding factor in how we feel at the end of the relationship and how we are equipped to handle that ending. The point is, that no matter how many years anyone is married, in one way or the other, it is a wrench, we must realise that we are now on our own.
Where do I go from here was the question I naturally asked of myself. I wasn’t quite sure who or what I was. What did I want as a newly single person – short, medium and long term?
I needed, in many ways, to reinvent myself and my future life. To invest in my future. What would things look like from now on?
Before I got too deep into angst, stress and too much of the wrong kind of introspection I stopped and started to take a good serious look at myself and my current circumstances.
I made a conscious decision to take time and to carefully research my possibilities, my alternatives and the first steps to take.
Instead of just getting quickly into dating, keeping busy etc as so many people recommended I do, I thought that I needed to mourn the loss of the marriage, after all I didn’t get married originally hoping to get divorced one day, did I?
I really needed to work through my feelings – because it certainly wouldn’t be a good idea to take any bad baggage from that marriage into any other relationships, let alone any possible long term one.
I have never seen myself as the type of person who needed to search out a therapist to work through any negative feelings and didn’t think I needed any help in working through things – but did I? I considered the possibility and discarded it. But at least I considered the possibility.
Even though I felt that I had certainly contributed to the mess that my relationship with my ex-husband became, I didn’t end up hating myself because of it – I still liked myself. I still had a certain amount of confidence in myself.
I did consider the fact that I might need to actively rediscover parts of myself – and came to the conclusion that I did.
I have already started to get back into hobbies and interests that I had started to develop before my marriage.
BUT the thing that EXCITES ME THE MOST is that I now have the chance, in this rather life changing time of my existence, to come up with, discover and explore a new side to myself. This thought really excites me.
Need to go now – more on this subject later.